Weather Channel
No matter how conditions get,
I always hope they won’t be dry.
I watch them on the Internet
And like my weather Welsh and wet
(Old blood). Let Arizona fry.
No matter how conditions get
I do not care to steam and sweat;
I go outside and scan the sky
After I’ve checked the Internet.
A hurricane? No, I don’t fret.
I’ve seen them, so away I fly
Before the bad conditions get
So bad that no one can forget
How bad they got. Quite frankly, I
Can watch them on the Internet
And run away with small regret
I did not stay at home and die.
No matter how conditions get,
I watch them on the Internet.
Folliculi, Follicula
I am afflicted with folliculitis.
And so may you! And so may you!
It surely keeps me twitching like St. Vitus,
(It’s not for you; for me it’s true!)
But I, I have to spend my time in scratching
The little spots, the little spots;
At least the doctor says it isn’t catching–
These purple dots! These purple dots!
Itching, itching, itching everywhere!
Itching on my chest (but not my hair)!
Folliculi, follicula, folliculi, follicula!
I am very sad folliculi, follicula!
R.S. (Sam) Gwynn was born in Leaksville (now Eden), North Carolina, in 1948. After attending Davidson College, he entered the graduate program at the University of Arkansas, where he earned his M. F. A. Since 1976, he has taught at Lamar University, where he is Poet-in-Residence and University Professor of English. His first two collections were chapbooks, Bearing & Distance (1977) and The Narcissiad (1980). These were followed by The Drive-In (1986) and No Word of Farewell: New and Selected Poems 1970-2000. His new collection is Dogwatch (2014) from Measure Press. His criticism appears regularly in the Hudson Review and other publications, and he is editor of the Pocket Anthology Series from Pearson-Longman. He lives in Beaumont, Texas, with his wife, Donna. They have three sons and seven grandchildren.