by Julia Griffin

After Newbolt

“Facebook apologises for flagging Plymouth Hoe as offensive term”
—The Guardian

Drake he’s in his hammock, or so his agents say,
(Capten, art thou trendin’ there below?)
No one’s goin’ to answer, though you mob the house all day
An’ try to get a quote on Plymouth Hoe:
Did they meet through Stormy? Did she work for Bill?
Was she friends with Paris, Kim, and co?
Were there bedsprings smashin’ with #passion?
But Drake his only comment is a legalistic No.

Drake he’s at his lawyer’s now, a-signin’ of his writs
(Capten, folk are talkin’ even so!)
Bein’ used to pirates, he is hirin’ Dershowitz,
Who charges even more than Plymouth Hoe:
Call him on his cell phone, call him over Zoom,
Call him on the newest apps you know;
Where the old trade’s flyin’, old Facebook’s spyin’,
And you’ll find him dumb and mute as any big-shot married beau.