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WEEK OF JANUARY 19

by Steven Kent

“Trump Has Another Justification for the Shooting of Renee Good: Disrespect”
—The New York Times

She ran her mouth, she got what she deserved—
Not a biggie.
She tried to turn away, you say? She swerved?
Quiet, piggy!

by Julia Griffin

“Donald Trump welcomed 2026 with a glitzy bash at his Mar-a-Lago club in Palm Beach where he auctioned off a freshly painted portrait of Jesus Christ for $2.75m and said his new year’s resolution was a wish for ‘peace on Earth’. The portrait of Jesus had been painted onstage by artist Vanessa Horabuena who, the president said, was ‘one of the greatest artists anywhere in the world’.”
—The Guardian

Those sharp blue eyes, that ochered shine,
Those tight and baleful lips
Confirm the subject as divine
And spark new donorships.

Behold a relic bargain-priced—
Resist the call who dares:
A hard-faced Mar-a-Lago Christ,
For holy billionaires!

by Chris O’Carroll

“… Carl Sagan said of Mr. von Däniken [author of Chariots of the Gods]: ‘Every time he sees something he can’t understand, he attributes it to extraterrestrial intelligence, and since he understands almost nothing, he sees evidence of extraterrestrial intelligence all over the planet.’”
—The New York Times

Space-cadet fabulist
Erich von Däniken
Milked his delusions for
All they were worth,

Selling his New Age fans
Extraterrestrial
Origin stories for
Science on Earth.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Archaeologists find medieval ‘super ship’ longer than two school buses”
—The Independent

They found it at the bottom of the sea;
That sounds like quite a rubbish ship to me.

by Marshall Begel

“Nearly 13,000 recently issued Irish passports are being recalled… missing the letters ‘IRL.'”
—The New York Times

For wary travelers who fear a
holiday away from Éire,
a typo’s raising ire and
reducing trust in Ireland.

Those public workers must’ve felt sick
on the day they issued Celtic
passports that neglect to tell
the holder hails from IRL.

by Thomas Germana

“An investigation is underway following an armed robbery at a Pokémon shop in Manhattan on Wednesday night. … [T]hree males wearing masks [stole over $100,000 worth of merchandise from] the Poké Court …”
—ABC7NY

The cops are searching far and wide
To find the stolen haul.
They can’t allow these thieves to hide;
They gotta’ catch ‘em all!

by Steven Kent

“Circumcision kits found on sale on Amazon UK as concerns grow over harm to baby boys”
—The Guardian

Problems coming to the fore:
Skin left scarred and so much more.
ER doctors say you’re nuts
Letting laymen make these cuts.
Listen, buddy, get a grip,
Learn a lesson, take a tip:
Should your babe not be a goil,
Never hire a self-taught mohel.

by Dan Campion

“Why Trump doesn’t need to own Greenland to build Golden Dome”
—Politico

No need to read the details, folks.
Our Don’s a Kubla Khan
Whose head’s a wheel of golden spokes;
Our bold Bellerophon
Can build a dome in Xanadu,
Or in Upstate New York,
Or Canada, or Katmandu,
Or Crete, or County Cork.
Why Greenland? it’s your right to ask.
Be careful if you do.
Khan Don has flipped. If called to task,
He’ll flip the bird at you.