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WEEK OF JUNE 9

by Bruce Bennett

Musk and Trump. Trump and Musk.
Fighting now from dawn to dusk.
Who will win? Who will lose?
A plague on both! It’s hard to choose.

by Thomas Germana

“We were actually governed by complete morons.”
—J.D. Vance, at the American Compass Fifth Anniversary Gala

It really is a joy to see
Such unembellished honesty.
I think that Vance has raised the bar—
Oh wait, he said we “were,” not “are.”

by Marshall Begel

“DeSantis signs bill recognizing gold, silver coins as legal tender in Florida”
—NBC

We passed these monetary laws
here in the Sunshine State
to safeguard people’s wealth because
it soon will be too late.

When US treasuries go bust
and credit’s a nonstarter,
those precious metals in our trust
will set us up to barter.

by Alex Steelsmith

“North Dakota promises flush toilets at historic sites… replacing pit toilets…”
—The Associated Press

Happily, snappily,
students of history
thank North Dakota for
upgrading its

antediluvian
toilet facilities.
Primitive outhouses?
Those were the pits.

by Steven Kent

“Ryan Reynolds has pitched an ‘R-rated’ Star Wars. What would that look like?”
—The Guardian

Imagine Leia giving in
To Jabba: gross, unclean!
Where does he end and she begin?
(He’s fat as Tatooine.)

For such a scene there’s no excuse;
Her Alderaan identity
Demands that Disney not produce
This Hutterite obscenity.

by Dan Campion

“Joni Ernst Tries to Go MAGA”
—The New York Times

Poor Joni gave tough talk a try
But is no Trump or Corleone.
Her “Well, we all are going to die”
Came off as schoolmarm, not Roy Cohn.

Alas, she made things ten times worse
By dissing the tooth fairy, whom
Her tone gave hints might place a curse
On every town hall heckler’s tomb.

Old Roman officers, at court,
Were honored with a laurel wreath.
Our fallen age sees Joni sport
A necklace strung with lost milk teeth.

by Stephen Gold

“Trump bars Elon Musk’s preferred candidate from becoming head of NASA.”
—The Times

A spaceman has been thwarted,
His future’s looking grim.
The mission’s been aborted,
And there’s no space for him.

An alien has landed
To terrorize D.C.
And loftily commanded,
“LET ONE STAR SHINE HERE!! ME!!”