by Julia Griffin

“Rare Jane Austen letter to sister to be sold at auction … 
The letter, dated 16 September 1813 … is ‘a gem’, according to Kathryn Sutherland, an Austen scholar and trustee of Jane Austen’s House Museum. Bonhams, which will auction the letter on 23 October, said it is ‘full of lively detail, wit and charm’, vividly echoing the world [Austen] deftly portrayed in her novels’ and ‘written at the height of [her] literary powers’. … Bonhams believes the letter, which has been in a private collection since 1909, will fetch between £65,000 to £97,000 at auction.”
—The Guardian

Jane’s latest letter ought to fetch,
We’re told, some ninety thousand quid.
A sum so mad might make me kvetch
(And as you’ve just observed, it did).
But I would like to turn, instead,
To what I’ll bring when I am dead.

Now as for letters, done in ink,
I’m far too indolent, I fear;
For correspondence, though, I think
You’d find it hard to name my peer:
And every note, I’m proud to say,
Bears year, month, day, and time of day.

A taste, to tempt you. “Home tonight.”
(4:10) “When you’re in Bi-Lo, get
Some pasta.” (5:15). “Not white.”
(5:20). “Did you call the vet?”
(6:30). “Yes, I’m still alive,
Just late! XXX.” (9:05).

My Inbox is a treasure-pit:
Each message is, like Jane’s, a gem;
They are so full of charm and wit,
You’ll want to buy the lot of them.
So beat the crowd and order now!
My Powers In Progress: ninety thou.

by Nora Jay

“Trump defends Syria decision by saying Kurds ‘didn’t help us with Normandy‘”
—The Guardian

And why stop there? It’s just absurd
How much we’ve faced without one Kurd:
Recall the Alamo—a word
Synonymous with lack of Kurd,
And Little Big Horn—not one third
Of which proud name bears trace of Kurd.
“What good,” cries Trump, his foot-bones spurred,
“Has ever come from any Kurd?”

by Dan Campion

“Original Paleo Diet Recipe: Cave-Aged Bone Marrow“
—The New York Times

Cave dwellers savored gamy fare
Preserved in hoof and bone.
Who doubts someone will take their dare?
(I hear brave stomachs groan.)

One researcher had just a taste:
“Bland sausage.” Age of Stone,
Though some may try your marrow paste
I’d leave that stuff alone.

by Nora Jay

“[Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez] spent nearly $300 on her hairdo at a pricey salon she frequents in downtown Washington… Her high-dollar hairdo stands in stark contrast to that of former Attorney General Jeff Sessions … who is a regular customer at Senate Hair Care Services.”
—The Washington Times

AOC, that pampered dullard,
At a place which charged top dollar
Had her tresses cut and colored,
Filling Fox’s Friends with choler.

“Fraud!” they clamored. “How improper!
What a slave to mere impressions,
When so near and cheap a chopper
Coifs the brow of grave Jeff Sessions!”