–

by Paul Lander

I remember when
Egging a friend’s house didn’t
Double its value.

by Neil Doherty

“As President Trump seeks to purge the federal government of ‘woke’ initiatives,
agencies flag hundreds of words to limit or avoid…”
—The New York Times

Mum’s the word on “woman”—it’s rejected,
but “man” and “male,” of course, are free of slight.
It’s no surprise that “female” is ejected.
“Black” is now wrong, but “white” is quite all right.

“Inclusion” and “exclusion”: both excluded.
“Equality,” “disparity” as well.
The logic of the Trumpers has concluded
that “either/or” means “both.” It’s perfect hell!

Delete “they/them.” Get rid of “trans” and “pronoun,”
and God forbid you write “LGBT.”
To speak of “gender” “risk(s)” a bloody showdown,
and so does “MSM” and “GBV.”

All “pregnant persons” we’ve been told to banish
and tiny “chest-fed people.” No excuse!
They tell us “sex” itself will likely vanish.
So, how on earth are we to reproduce?

by Steven Kent

“Amy Coney Barrett under attack by right wing after USAID ruling”
—The Guardian

“Trump’s polarising appeal leaves European populists in a tight spot”
—The Guardian

It’s never clear, to those who lack the stuff,
Exactly how far right is right enough:
Eleven on a ten-scale? More? Still higher?
How much does MAGA membership require?
You can’t be merely sure, you must be surer—
Who cares if you create an awful Führer?

by Clyde Always

“Memphis man in bed with lady friend shot in leg—and claims dog pulled the trigger”
—New York Post

A puppy (though don’t ask me how)
put a gun to his owner and—POW!
Then, once the smoke cleared,
it’s likely he jeered:
“Hey Buddy, who’s playin’ dead, now?”

by Julia Griffin

“Norfolk woman refuses to hand over 16th-century Italian painting identified as stolen…
Barbara De Dozsa’s husband bought Madonna and Child by Antonio Solario in 1973
after it was stolen from a museum”
—The Guardian

Antonio “The Gypsy,” tinker’s son,
Venetian painter of indifferent fame,
Painted St. Benedict in Naples, came,
Apparently, to England, painted one
Virgin and Child in Birmingham; that done,
Most probably went home. Sometimes his name
Gets muddled with another’s, much the same;
Thus far the facts. But now begins the fun.
Another of his Virgins, gained by theft,
Was sold, and the possessor seeks to squash
The suit of the museum thus bereft:
Her name’s De Dosza, and she’s seeking dosh.
But none will buy, and she won’t give, or show.
At least we’ve heard now of Antonio.

by Alex Steelsmith

“[T]ariffs could be good for some countries…”
—BBC

“[T]ariff threats generate ‘fear…’”
—CBC

Claims have been made, though they’re not scientific,
that tariffs can make you feel simply tariffic.
Other assertions, which haven’t been verified,
caution that tariffs can make you feel tariffied.

by Susan McLean

I believe in the power of the pose.
It’s a photo op. Were you expecting prayers?
The Bible’s just a book—and who reads those?

I believe in the laws of CEOs.
Whose judgment counts, the courts’ or billionaires’?
I believe in my power to oppose

our longtime allies, and suck up to foes.
You give your word, you break it—no one cares.
Treaties are merely words—and who reads those?

I believe in resentment, how it grows
in those who’ve lost the perks they see as theirs.
I stoke that rage and use it to dispose

of designated vermin. Techno bros
are keen to help. Their troop of hackers spares
no one. Commitments bore me—who needs those?

I believe that veterans are schmoes:
a wise man stays at home and counts his shares.
Their safety net’s less firm than they suppose.
Ethics are for the weak—and who needs those?

by Bruce Bennett

“Donald Trump yesterday did an unseemly, self-serving… business advertisement
for his number one political patron on the White House lawn: Elon Musk.”
—Sen. Chuck Schumer

Unseemly? Why? Why shouldn’t the White House be
a place where Musk can advertise for free?

by Dan Campion

“Saturn Gains 128 New Moons, Bringing Its Total to 274”
—The New York Times

It lacks the magic MAGA touch,
With goons and loons so fine.
Small wonder Saturn, mooned so much,
Has turned out saturnine.