by Julia Griffin

“Cascades of red wine flood a city’s streets in Portugal after huge tanks rupture”
—NPR

In quaint São Lourenço, no angels will tread:
The streets are all streaming with Portugal Red.
You’d think that the heart of the village had bled,
But no! It’s a river of Portugal Red.
The wine, like the story, has steadily spread;
Our reading is dripping with Portugal Red;
Levira’s the wellspring, the grand fountainhead
Of ruddy and rubicund Portugal Red.
Fly in and mop up what the vintners have shed!
Come soak yourself silly in Portugal Red!
Or if you want sherry, try Jerez instead,
And skip this importunate Portugal Red.

by Marshall Begel

“Delhi gets cutouts of langurs to ease [rhesus monkey] menace during G20…
[with] ’30 to 40 people’ who mock their sounds to create the impression
that the animals are alive and moving.”
—Reuters

New Delhi is humming! World leaders are coming
And we need to show them our best!
So we are employing the shrill and annoying
To come out and beat on their chest!

If you are so daring, we’ll pay you for scaring
the monkeys we don’t want around.
Hoot loud as you can as you hide the bananas
To make those pests go underground!

When meetings are ended, the primates offended
Can freely return to our streets,
But please stay nearby because tigers aren’t shy
And we’ll need people acting as meats!

by Alex Steelsmith

“The US Open… was interrupted by climate protesters… with one of the protesters glueing
their feet to the floor of the stands… Chants of ‘Kick them out! Kick them out!’
had rung out across Arthur Ashe Stadium.”
—The Guardian

Frustrated, flustrated
tennis enthusiasts
face a new tactic they’re
quick to condemn:

anti-petroleum
protesters holding the
floor for as long as the
floor’s holding them.

by Nora Jay

“Pink leather armchairs and bomb-proof floors: inside Kim Jong-un’s armoured train”
—The Guardian

Pink leather furniture and bomb-proof floors!
A mixture every sycophant adores,
While critics might derive a lesson, viz.
How ugly “Barbenheimer” really is.