Read our current issue by clicking on the cover below. Read Light‘s poems of the week
by Dan Campion
“The first debt ceiling fight was in 1953. It looked almost exactly like the one today”
Dear Ike: I hear your measured voice
(Just like I did, age four)
Tell Congress it must make a choice.
Good government needs more.
The paymasters, apparently,
Were scraping empty tills
Until you made the Senate see
The U.S. paid its bills.
I doubt that, now, you would believe
The sums, the smirks, the braying,
But you would recognize, and grieve,
The sluggishness in paying.
by Paul Lander
Writers’ Strike Haiku:
by Ruth S. Baker
“Woman wins UK cheese rolling race despite being knocked unconscious
‘It feels great,’ said Canadian Delaney Irving, victor of the women’s race at Coopers Hill…”
Canada’s Delaney Irving,
Victor verily deserving,
Rolled a mighty double gloucester,
Careless what her triumph cost her.
Though she’d lain unconscious, still,
On the slopes of Coopers Hill,
Waking, she was quick to state
What she felt was simply “great”
While the cheese wheel (questioned later)
Claimed that what it felt was grater.
by Alex Steelsmith
“Huge prehistoric-looking creature spotted in California lake… [is the] alligator snapping turtle,
[which] can reach up to 175 pounds… ‘They’ll eat anything… If you put your foot in front of it, it will bite you’…
They’ve been known to bite the legs off birds floating in the water.”
—The Sacramento Bee
don’t stand a chance against
snappers who sup,
though with their obvious
everyone wants them to
have a leg up.
petrified bird lovers
don’t take a stand, though they
No one can blame them for
putting one’s foot down is
not a good move.
by Marshall Begel
“A British IT worker who has been on sick leave since 2008 sued IBM
for not giving him a pay raise during the time he was off work.”
From my point of view, my raise is past due,
And not just for grace and goodwill.
For though it is true that there’s nothing I do,
It’s done with exceptional skill!
by Julia Griffin
(with thanks to Rodgers & Hammerstein)
“Firefighting goats could be furloughed due to California employment law
Targeted grazing is part of California’s strategy to reduce wildfire risk because goats can eat
a wide variety of vegetation, including on steep, rocky terrain that’s hard for others to access. …
But new state labor regulations are making it more expensive to provide goat-grazing services,
and herding companies say the rules threaten to put them out of business. … The goat-grazing industry
is pushing the state legislature to approve legislation that would treat goatherds the same as shepherds.
A bill to do so hasn’t yet received a public hearing.”
High on a hill sits a furloughed goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo:
Such is the will of a legal dotard.
Hey ee who will pay ee is it you?
Goats kept the fire from the crops (bean, oat, urd)
They ee night and day ee cropped the dry grass through;
Now, though, the prices will soar per goatherd:
Vae ee poor CA ee you should sue.
Not OK ee, folks’ll say ee
“Goats away ee, sheep can stay ee”—
So just pray ee for delay ee
Modal yodel internodal
Obscenely Conspicuous Consumption
by Philip Kitcher
“Record number of lighthouses being offered to the public during 2023 ‘Lighthouse Season'”
The overweening might of GPS
has made irrelevant this potent tower.
We offer you a waterfront address
to help the world appreciate your power.
Nighttime will bring distractions to amuse
your visitors, when you fire up the tip,
flash herky-jerky signals to confuse
the maidens on some passing pleasure-ship.
Here you will satisfy your deep desires
in showing off your fully-moated palace,
(at least, till vulgar jealousy inquires
what it is like to live inside a phallus.)
(For more witty poems, read our current issue or visit our Poems of the Week archive)