Read our current issue, below. Read Light‘s poems of the week
by Chris O’Carroll
Ed mouthed my script on crime and race,
But stiffed me on his fond embrace.
I said he’d make Virginia great.
Now he’s a loser, which I hate.
When candidates that I support
Betray my trust by falling short,
It must be their fault; it can’t be
My failure. No way. They failed me.
by Patrick Biggs
On November 7, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s cat, Paddles, was killed by a car. A polydactyl rescue cat, Paddles once famously interrupted a phone conversation between the PM and Donald Trump by “flying through the cat-flap” and “announcing her very squawky arrival,” and she had a popular Twitter account (@FirstCatofNZ). In the aftermath of Paddles’ death, businessman Gareth Morgan sparked outrage by criticising the PM for allowing her cat to wander freely, questioning Ardern’s “conservation integrity.”
New Zealand’s in mourning, and raw lamentation
Resounds through the hills and in every bay,
For Paddles, preeminent pet of our nation,
So young and so perfect, was taken away.
She once was a stray on the streets of Ranui,
An outcast defined by opposable thumbs.
Alas for poor Paddles! Our eyes are all dewy.
Our grief is a torment that harrows and numbs.
She rose to distinction despite her beginning
(Social justice for all is what Labour’s about).
Alas for poor Paddles! Our heads are still spinning.
We’ll not love again for our hearts are in drought.
Paddles would sometimes behave as she oughtn’t—
She once interrupted a president’s call.
Alas for poor Paddles! She, too, was important,
And spoke better sense with her loud caterwaul.
A cantankerous businessman quickly went bleating
That it’s good for the birdlife that Paddles is dead.
Alas for poor Paddles! She really liked tweeting.
Alas it was not Gareth Morgan instead!
Remember, remember the Seventh November!
How desolate, dismal, and doleful a day!
Alas that poor Paddles, First Family member,
So young and so perfect, was taken away!
by Orel Protopopescu
A private “chase plane” tagged along wherever Immelt flew,
without a single passenger— just pilots, staff and crew.
Why should the boss be idle when an engine needs repairs?
Why waste time renting charters when you have convenient spares?
If only stocks had taken off with Immelt’s perks and pay,
his stunning carbon wingprint might still stretch to Mandalay.
by Ian Graham
Self-driving bus involved in accident on its first day—CNN
A robot that once said it would “destroy humans” just became the first robot citizen—Business Insider
“I’ll destroy humans,” Sophia once said,
Right off the shiny bright top of her head
But over all this we’ll at last draw a veil
Which she’ll have to wear when outside without fail
As she’s now a subject so new and so proud
Of the Kingdom that’s ruled by the stern House of Saud,
The first to grant citizenship to a bot,
And a female one too. But some breaking news: what
Is this that I hear from the sands of Nevada?
The self-driving shuttle bus robot armada
In venturesome Vegas is one shuttle short
Because on its very first day it was caught
In a bit of a crash, but it wasn’t its fault.
A truck driver (human, of course) failed to halt.
Yes, all humans stray
And these days, I fear,
We get in the way.
So call in Sophia.