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WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 28

by Marshall Begel

“Emily in Paris is ‘Shakespeare of our time’, says JD Vance”
—The Times

When lies surpass deceit of Richard Three,
when conjured tempests shatter ships at sea,
when monarch’s driving force is retribution,
when wars demand a magical solution,
when contracts under threat appear ill-gotten,
when Denmark shows the world that something’s rotten,

when spotting plots of Shakespeare isn’t hard,
we don’t need “Emily” to be our Bard.

by Julia Griffin

“Meryl Streep’s casting as Aslan has angered the Christian right”
—The Guardian

Meryl as Aslan!
Patently, The Last Battle
Ought to be renamed.

by Julie Steiner

“Sen. Tommy Tuberville Says ‘Deranged’ Furry Culture Is Flight Safety Risk”
—Forbes

Think sky-high gas and groceries
have harmed your sons and daughters?
A greater threat than both of these
is airborne otters!

Your healthcare’s cut, and you’re concerned
by rising mumps and measles?
A bigger plague than those, we’ve learned,
is flying weasels!

An unleashed war-dog President
can’t give ol’ Tommy jitters,
but this does: pilots (some percent)
might dress like critters!

The question all must ask, of course,
when toads cry wolf like that:
“Is what he says just bull or horse—
or ape or bat?”

by Steven Kent

“Canvasser knocking on doors to support Susan Collins caught on camera stealing package from outside home”
—The Guardian

The Collins camp
Is having fits.
A quick revamp,
A PR blitz:

Election time,
A time for choosin’.
It’s no crime
To vote for Susan!

by Dan Campion

“Bessent ‘Inadvertently’ Failed to Report Holdings of JPMorgan Stock
Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent’s finances were reviewed by the inspector general after Mr. Bessent incorrectly listed at least $100,000 of the stock, which was owned by his husband, as cash.”
—The New York Times

We’d think the Treasury’s top hand
Would get his net worth right.
Apparently a hundred grand
Is just an oversight
When you’re worth seven hundred mil.
No wonder that Scott’s bets
On schools of big fish give us chills.
Mere minnows slip his nets.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Jeremy Clarkson’s ‘stolen’ sheep were just miscounted”
—The Telegraph

It’s difficult to count a flock of sheep,
’Cos halfway through you tend to fall asleep.

by Kaitlyn Spees

“An extremely well-preserved bird feather from the age of dinosaurs has been found inside a fossilized piece of dinosaur poop—revealing how some bird species may have escaped extinction.”
—The New York Times

(With apologies to Dickinson)

“Hope” is an ancient feather—
Encased in dino poop—
Providing Meso researchers—
A welcome—alley-oop—

In sorting out how—feathered birds—
Instead of scaly Saurs
May just have managed to elude—
Extinction’s abattoirs.

by Shaun Jex

“Golden retriever brings toys to the intruder who breaks into his house.”
—The Associated Press

Not quite as brave as Balto
Nor noble as Roselle
Who did her duty faithfully
While walls around her fell

Not stalwart as old Stubby
Who served out in the trench
But thief and flatfoot both agree
This mutt is quite a mensch

by Dan Campion

“Here, Have a Cookie. It’s Made of Plastic. NASA wanted deep-space snacks, so a lab delivered 3D-printed cookies [aka ‘microbites’] made from water bottles.
—Popular Mechanics

A “microbite” might go down swell,
A snack for weightlessness,
And even stay down—who can tell?—
Washed down with Tang, I guess.