by Dan Campion

“Pfizer Snobs Are Wrong. Johnson & Johnson Is the Coolest Vaccine.”
—Slate

It had to happen. Vaccine snobs.
You’d think they ran the lab.
Just proves we’re sentimental slobs:
Love me, love my jab.

by Katherine Barrett Swett

After Gerard Manley Hopkins

Glory be to God for dappled things.
For hair that falls in trout-hued stippled strings,
Grey-black top, bottom still bright-dyed,
A brinded cow head all pandemic pied,
Fickle-freckled, Covid calico:
Hair past changing, go ahead and grow.

by Catherine Chandler

“U.K. and France Call in the Navy, Sort of, in Channel Islands Fishing Dispute”
—The New York Times

The old rivals are at it once more.
As the gunboats set sail from each shore,
underwater, the hake,
hoping it’s a mistake,
are predicting another Cod War.

The halibut, haddock, and skate
are urging their fish heads of state―
the pollock and tope―
to call in the Pope,
but the flounder have left it to fate.

The bass and the bream and the brill
slip away to the coast of Brazil,
while a stingray and shark
think it’s all such a lark,
as the latter homes in for a kill.

The result will be sweet, à la Dory
(not Trafalgar-like, bloody and gory),
should the humans above
act in good faith and love.
And that is the sole of this story.

by Chris O’Carroll

“Caitlyn Jenner says she is committed to completing border wall”
—Today

Trans athletes get no love at all,
But I’m in favor of the wall.
To woke folks, I am now a chick,
But vote for me, I’m still a dick.

by Julia Griffin

“Farmer moves border stone for tractor—and makes Belgium bigger …
The boundary between France and Belgium is believed to have been inadvertently redrawn
by a farmer who found the 200-year-old border stone marking the divide in an inconvenient
location for his tractor. …
While amused by the enlargement of his town, David Lavaux, the mayor of Erquelinnes, gently
pointed out that the farmer was legally obliged to move the border stone back—and that it would be
best not ‘to create a diplomatic incident’.“
—The Guardian

In Flanders fields, where turnips grow,
And other things you have to hoe,
There stands a boulder, two-foot high:
That is, there stood. But now, oh my!
Diplomacy’s received a blow.

Was Obelix the culprit? No:
It was a farmer, keen to mow
The site it used to occupy
In Flanders fields.

On Belgium’s side, le maire Lavaux
Is prudently exclaiming, “Whoa!
Let’s leave our ancient termini:
This move leaves France some eight feet shy,
But let’s not chance a quid pro quo
In Flanders fields.”

by Michael Calvert

“Wyoming’s economy is powered by some of the oldest industries in human history, including
mining, agriculture and tourism. But in recent years the state has emerged as an unlikely
champion of far newer inventions: cryptocurrencies and the blockchain technology that powers them.”
—MarketWatch

Some folks might find it strange, out here on the open range,
Where the dogies frolic in the summer breeze,
That we did some legislatin’ for the purpose of creatin’
A climate good for cryptocurrencies.

Now, we’d all like to stay true to the wild, wild west we knew,
But we know Wyoming ain’t the same old place.
We’re plumb low on oil and coal, so it had to be our goal
To diversify our economic base.

So, young feller, if you hanker to become a Bitcoin banker
The Cowboy State is where you oughta be.
We know the time has come (we’re just cowboys, we ain’t dumb)
To lasso the financial industry.

Warren Buffet says we’re mad and that crypto’s just a fad—
It’s seein’ money where the money ain’t.
If it turns out that we’re wrong, we’ll just sing a cowboy song,
Sell short, turn west, and ride off on Old Paint.

by Alex Steelsmith

“‘I am considering… the honor to go into the position of politics, as the governor of Texas,’
McConaughey said… ‘I would say, as far as running, I’m not until I am. So my decision hasn’t changed
because I’m still not.’”
—USA Today

Loosily-goosily,
Matthew McConaughey
hasn’t said yes, but he
hasn’t refused,

leaving his possible
gubernatorial
rivals a little bit
Dazed and Confused.

by Barbara Loots

“The U.S. Army apologized after a trainee left Fort Jackson and hijacked a school bus…
It was during personal hygiene time in the morning that the trainee left the Army instillation.’”
—The State, Columbia SC

Clearly the soldier wasn’t willing.
What on earth were they instilling??

by Clyde Always

“Minnesota bank hostage standoff ends with arrest, no injuries”
—NBC

A Wells within L’etoile du Nord
has caused a huge sensation;
great crowds all gaped in shock to watch
a hostage situation.
Now at its end, the robber’s caught—
not much of him do we know—
the only thing that’s certain is
he ain’t no Al Pacino.

by Nora Jay

“Piers Morgan has taken aim once more at Meghan Markle, this time decrying the Duchess of Sussex
for writing [a] children’s book. …
Last month, it was reported that Markle was assembling a legal team to respond to Piers Morgan’s
numerous claims about her.”
—The Independent

Which do you favor, of Meghan and Morghan?
Meghan, according to Morghan,’s a gorghan;
Morghan’s all jarghan and sloghan, says Meghan:
A wannabe mate who was told to go beghan’.
So Morghan continues to blast like an orghan,
And Meghan’s still waving her lawyers at Morghan,
But this is a squabble in need of no eghan’;
No meghaphone needed for Morghan or Meghan.

by Chris O’Carroll

“GOP Leader: Biden Grant Plan Referencing Anti-Racism, 1619 Project Is ‘Divisive Nonsense’”
—Education Week

Some whites don’t want to talk about
The stuff we did before,
While others are bummed out that we
Can’t do it anymore.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“‘No one judges you out here’: fishing prescribed for NHS patients”
—The Guardian

I asked my doctor: “What prescription could
Cure my addiction to my codeine fix?”
He said: “What I prescribe will be for good—
This here will stop you shooting up for kicks!”
He wrote: “Go fishing, morning, noon and night.
You cast your line, and you do NOT let go.
Its healing power comes when fishes bite,
Cocooning you in calmness. You will glow! …
Provided you grip firmly—with both hands—
Holistic ichthyic physic’s bound to cure
Your ailment—trust me, Doctor understands!” …
So I was cured. But how? I’m far from sure
It’s fishing—I believe my double grip
Curbed reaching for my needle for a trip!