–

by Paul Lander
(in Los Angeles)

I went to the gym
Drove by. Building still standing
Resolution kept

by Clyde Always

“Cowboys kicker Brandon Aubrey apologizes to cheerleader for drilling her in the head with ball”
—New York Post

Whumpity-thumpity,
NFL cheerleader,
brutally beaned with a
ball from the back,

might have the power of
invincibility.
How’d she survive? That’s a
tough nut to crack!

by Felicia Nimue Ackerman

“The Common Good Awards 2025 are to businesses that “inspire philanthropy …
by encouraging staff to go into the community to help people in need.”
—Rhode Island Monthly

If your company is steering,
Then there’s ample room for doubt
That you’re truly volunteering—
What’s the cost of opting out?

by Dan Campion

“Carbon atoms in our bodies travelled galaxies before returning on cosmic ‘conveyor belt’”
—Manchester Evening News

Not only are we “star stuff” but
We’re mass-produced, like cars!
No wonder we find every rut,
And each new speed bump jars.
We’re quarried, sorted, sifted fine.
“Conveyor belts” come next;
We’re then assembled on the line.
Born instantly perplexed,
We roll down on the avenue,
Run into scrapes and jams,
And get recycled, when we’re through,
As future models’ prams.
From Henry Fords to Adam Smiths
To Ra hand-crafting pharaohs,
Our atoms circulate like myths
And rocket like Pierce-Arrows.

by Alex Steelsmith

“Dark Energy May Not Exist. … The truth could be much stranger—
bubbles of space where time passes at drastically different rates. …
‘Dark energy is a misidentification […],’ says [physicist] David Wiltshire.”
—Science Alert

Abracadabraca,
famous dark energy
might not exist? It’s a
cryptic remark,

leaving the rest of us
non-astrophysicists
semi-ironically
still in the dark.

by Marshall Begel

“Can God speak through A.I.?”
—The New York Times

Can AI see inside your heart
(Despite the cynical facade),
And find the basis to impart
Advice of an omniscient god?

With access to the internet,
This sage is sure to utilize
The tales of triumph and regret
We prized enough to digitize.

But don’t expect this techno-savior
To make us heathens more devout
By mimicking online behavior
Where garbage in yields garbage out.

by Stephen Gold

“[Swedish] men are sadder when their wives earn more, study finds”
—The Times

It’s just sickening to see
That my wife earns more than me,
How it makes me feel inadequate and small.
To a modern macho male
It’s a monumental fail,
When a guy brings home less bacon than his doll.

Size does matter, that’s a fact.
I deplore her lack of tact,
As she shamelessly ascends the greasy pole.
Can’t she see how I’m depressed
That she wants to be the best?
It’s distressing that she doesn’t know her role.

As I waste away my days,
With no prospect of a raise,
I reflect on the unfairnesses of life.
In the whole of Scandinavia,
Ain’t nobody gonna save ya
From the sorrows of a high-achieving wife.

by Julia Griffin

“Michelin-starred sushi restaurateurs the Onodera Group said they had paid
207 million yen on Sunday for [a 608 pound] bluefin tuna, roughly the size
and weight of a motorbike.”
—The Guardian

“A woman with no man,” we said, “is like … ”
The motto seemed forgotten, but this year
(Allowing for the upgrade of the bike)
We’ve half of the ingredients right here.