by Coleman Glenn

“Scientists discovered phosphine gas, a sign of life, on Venus.”
—Vox

There was a Venutian on Venus
Who shouted, “Oh no, now they’ve seen us!
Just wait—if I know ’em,
They’ll soon write a poem
Whose last word will not be ‘phosphinous.’”

by Chris O’Carroll

“Trump alleges ‘left-wing indoctrination’ in schools,
says he will create national commission to push more
‘pro-American’ history”
—The Washington Post

Teaching U.S. imperfection?
That amounts to insurrection!
History’s a celebration
Of our freedom-loving nation.
We regard with indignation
Teachers who spread information
From before Emancipation—
Mark them for elimination.
Patriotic education
Gives correct indoctrination.

by Julia Griffin

“Since late July, sailors have reported several encounters with orcas in the Straits of Gibraltar
that tipped one boat sideways and spun others in circles, leaving them rudderless.
There is some speculation that these attacks seemed orchestrated…”
—The Hill

The water round Gibraltar
Tumultuously shudders:
The boldest bosuns falter,
Divested of their rudders.

The sailors’ cries are raucous:
They’re feeling quite ill-fated;
Such awkwardness from orcas
Is surely orchestrated.

by Jerome Betts

“Why on earth is Boris Johnson illegally revoking
the EU withdrawal treaty which he himself
so enthusiastically signed, claiming it gave Britain
an ‘oven-ready’ Brexit?”
—The Guardian: This Is Europe

So just what did they put in the oven,
Cummings, Johnson, the ERG coven?
He smiled as he signed on the line
And observed it was all jolly fine
But now claims that the outlook is murky
And the thing was the wrong kind of turkey.

by James Hamby

“Trump ad asks people to support the troops. But it uses a picture of Russian jets.”
—Politico

Trump didn’t note the Russian jets
Before the ad was sent.
How gauche supporting Putin’s troops!
(Unless that’s what he meant.)

by Dan Campion

“You’ll develop, you’ll develop herd—like a herd mentality.
It’s going to be, it’s going to be herd-developed, and that’s going to happen.”
—The President of the United States, discussing resistance to Covid-19

Herd mentalities are sweeter, far,
Than herd immunities.
I, President, your guiding star,
Crowned czar of dread disease,

Foretell the future of your herd
(Beware! Sour tongues deceive):
You’ll mind like sheep. I give my word.
Hail, hear me, and believe!