Read our current issue by clicking on the cover below. Read Light‘s poems of the week
by Nicole Caruso Garcia
It wasn’t always a taboo,
But now is cause for shame.
And oh, you know the thing I mean,
And oh, it has a name.
Our kinks should be addressed—why not?
My husband didn’t mind,
Whether I was all alone
Or we were intertwined.
I’d like to praise it openly;
It’s healthy, not exotic.
In my defense, it didn’t use to
Invented by a clown of theirs,
It made right-wingers cheer.
(My friends are libs and libertines;
It’s their rebuke I fear.)
My money in the pockets of
That mustached wacko guy,
I cringe to think we nearly kissed
So rest assured, I feel some guilt
About this peccadillo.
I don’t know how I sleep at night
On Mike Lindell’s MyPillow®.
by Clyde Always
“Queen Elizabeth strips Prince Andrew of royal and military titles… after a Manhattan judge
allowed the sexual assault lawsuit against the disgraced royal to move forward.”
—New York Post
Because his former title proved
to be too great an onus,
hereafter shall the Duke of York
be called “His Sleazy Lowness.”
by Julia Griffin
“A badger gets credit for finding Roman coins in a cave in northern Spain”
While badgers’ tastes are various,
They sniff at the denarius,
Though nobody can well prevent ’em
From hoarding aurum et argentum.
For larger coins, they’re really cadgers:
Indeed, you’ll seldom witness badgers
As jubilantly dirty as
When snouting a sestertius.
by Kevin Ahern
The company admits
It pulled a boner
After hearing from a freezing
by Ruth S. Baker
“Hedgehog balloons up to massive size after developing rare condition:
‘Balloon Syndrome’ caused a small hedgehog to swell up with gas,
which required a vet to ‘pop’ it”
Poor Bubbles panicked: up he blew,
A hedgehog-Zeppelin, until
A human ally powered through
With something like a human quill.
Yes, there’s a moral (everything
Allows a sage to moralize):
We sometimes need a friend to bring
Us back to earth and normal size.
by Paul Lander
Davidson says “no.”
Will not host Oscars, too focused
On the Golden Globes.
by Alex Steelsmith
“Norway tells conscripts to return underwear after service.”
ordered to leave with their
can’t keep their underwear
every last one has been
by Chris O’Carroll
“Vegan mum claims she can boost her immune system to beat coronavirus by drinking sperm
smoothies . . . The part-time blogger consumes the fluid daily directly from her boyfriend
of two years, as part of a smoothie, or freezes it in an ice tray to use another day.”
—The U.S. Sun
Let me commend your two-year friend,
A lad of grand profusion,
Who’s got the stuff, more than enough,
When he achieves conclusion.
Were I your guy, you’d have to try
For health some other way:
Put to the test, I’d be hard-pressed
To fill your ice cube tray.
by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons
Australia was open to the champ
Until it wasn’t. “Rules are rules,” he’d learn.
Served no exemption for a visa stamp
To enter, he hit back a sharp return,
Restoring deuce not on, but in, the court:
A judge decreed that Djokovic must be
Let in at once—despite no vax—for sport …
If only that were that! With this decree,
Advantage went to government, who would
Negate the ruling, after quite a lot
Of dallying: The champ no longer could
Parade the only shots his arms had got—
Emphatic aces, backhands, volley jobs,
Net-clearing drop shots, overheads, and lobs!
by Shaun Jex
Said, “Everyone, listen to me!
The secret to Corona curin’
Is drinkin’ up cups of fresh urine.”
by Nora Jay
“Manchin’s $1.8 trillion spending offer is reportedly no longer on the table.”
Don’t mention Joe Manchin,
That meanest of menschen,
That prime avalanche in
The path of subvention.
by Bruce Bennett
“Elmo’s Petty Hatred For A Pet Rock Is The Best Thing About 2022 So Far”
“Rocco’s just a rock!
Rocco’s not alive!”
Elmo shouts his shock,
shrill in overdrive.
Millions now applaud.
Twitter’s gone berserk.
Watch him diss a fraud.
Sock it to the jerk!
by Dan Campion
“Earth is at the center of a 1,000-light-year-wide ‘Swiss cheese’ bubble carved out by supernovas”
Although la lune is not Swiss cheese,
Le clair’s a cheesy bubble!
Well, quel soufflé! (For recipes,
See books by Edwin Hubble.)
by Alex Steelsmith
The ten phrases chosen for Lake Superior State University’s 2022 Banished Words List include
“Wait,what?”, “No worries,” “New normal,” “That being said,” “Circle back,” and
“At the end of the day.”
banished? “No worries, new
normal,” we say.
That being said, we may
still circle back, at the
end of the day.