by Chris O’Carroll

“Vegan mum claims she can boost her immune system to beat coronavirus by drinking sperm
smoothies . . . The part-time blogger consumes the fluid daily directly from her boyfriend
of two years, as part of a smoothie, or freezes it in an ice tray to use another day.”
—The U.S. Sun

Let me commend your two-year friend,
A lad of grand profusion,
Who’s got the stuff, more than enough,
When he achieves conclusion.

Were I your guy, you’d have to try
For health some other way:
Put to the test, I’d be hard-pressed
To fill your ice cube tray.