by Stephen Gold

“[Color-coded] labels that deem cheese less healthy than pizza are crackers, French dairies say”
—The Times

My friend André adores Comté,
Un fine fromage de France.
But yesterday in old Marseilles
He looked at it askance.

Alors! He’d spied its color code,
A vivid shade of rouge,
Which warned its calorific load
Was absolutely huge.

Les fromagers have rushed to say
That this is très injuste.
Gros imbéciles hold trop de sway,
And folie rules the roost!

It’s quite absurd to clobber curds,
Désistez s’il vous plait!
Let’s hear it for our dairy herds,
And sweep these rules a-whey!