by Marshall Begel

“Some students feel unfairly restricted by [app allowing] two seven-minute
bathroom breaks per day.”
—GovTech

I’m somewhat confused, hearing kids feel abused
By limits on bathroom reprieve.
Because, as I’ve reckoned, if timed to the second,
There’s adequate time to relieve.

The walk to the loo, just a hallway or two,
Would take, at the outside, 1 minute.
No need to explore, simply push through the door.
At 70 seconds, you’re in it!

Selecting a stall expends no time at all—
Just glance underneath for some feet.
And turning the lock doesn’t eat up the clock—
At 2 minutes in, take a seat!

Attend to your biz, for whatever it is,
For most teens 3 minutes is plenty.
Assuming no issue involving the tissue,
You’re now clocking 5 minutes, twenty.

Good hygiene demands that you soap up your hands,
And scrub them for one “Birthday” song.
Then flick yourself dry, pass those towels on by.
Your break was just 6 minutes long.

I’ll say to the youth who can’t handle this truth,
Expecting to protest and riot—
If you’re always late, don’t complain or debate,
Just switch to a fiber-rich diet.