by Steven Kent

“Rishi Sunak to face pressure to shift right after disastrous election results”
—The Guardian

(To the tune of Toni Basil’s “Mickey“)

Oh Rishi, you’re so fine,
You’re so fine—now toe the line.
Hey Rishi! Hey Rishi! (Repeat)

You think you run the show, you live at Number 10—
We tell you what to do, we tell you where and when,
And if you mess around we’ll fill your seat again, Rishi.

See, hopefuls come and go, and we don’t really care;
In Commons, on the street–we find ’em everywhere.
An empty suit like you is easy to prepare, Rishi.

Oh Rishi, better do our bidding, can’t you see,
Or wind up like Teresa May, a bitter old MP.
Show independence, and we’ll quickly set you free—
We want you, Rishi,
Oh yes it’s true, Rishi, true, Rishi—
We’re watching you, Rishi!

Election’s dead ahead—just call it, Rishi, please.
The Party isn’t well; we’re down upon on our knees,
But we believe the cure is more of the disease, Rishi.

So can you be a man? And can you make a fuss?
We’ve got a pair of traits that matter most to us:
A heart of ice and balls like Braverman or Truss, Rishi.

Oh Rishi, understand we want you in this fight–
As Labour goes to celebrate a very winning night,
You’re gonna drag the Tories further to the Right.
We need you Rishi,
You know it’s true, Rishi, true, Rishi—
Will you come through, Rishi?

Oh Rishi, you’re so fine,
You’re so fine, but stay in line,
Hey Rishi! Hey Rishi! (Repeat)