by Julia Griffin

After Catullus

“The son of Asia’s richest man gets married in the year’s most extravagant wedding”
—The Associated Press

Hymen, let your torches flash
For the great Ambani bash:
Blind our eyes and blur our sense
With ineffable expense,
Io Hymen Hymenaee io,
Io Hymen Hymenaee!

Spread a carpet, ruby red,
For celebrities to tread:
Rappers, statesmen, movie stars,
Techno-moguls back from Mars:
Io …

Let the entertainers play
For a billion bucks a day,
While earth’s leading chef unveils
Almas caviar in pails:
Io …

Bless the mother of the groom,
Who could light the darkest room
With the emeralds she wears,
Sized like avocado pears,
Io …

Keep far hence the captious scold
Muttering that, were they sold,
Sapphires of such magnitude
Might fill all Sudan with food.
Io …

Now the sun begins to set
Like a Cartier baguette,
Hymen, lead the gleaming twain
To a room the size of Spain
Io …

Stitch the sheets they’ll lie within
From endangered species’ skin;
Weave of phoenix plumes a wreath
For each brush that meets their teeth
Io …

Finally, in bed, alone,
Grant, instead of flesh and bone,
Each may find the one they hold
Turned to purest Saudi gold.
Io Hymen Hymenaee io,
Io Hymen Hymenaee!