by Nicole Caruso Garcia

Welcome to the podcast! (Well,
it’s more an intervention.)
Congrats (and caveats) on being
tapped for highest henchman.

If Donald does you dirty—and
it’s less an if than when—
while scheming to be king (although
he should be in the pen),

how firm is your resolve when you’ve
been thrown beneath the bus?
Will you, the flattened toady, save
democracy for us?

How quickly can you run, J.D.,
in wingtips on the job?
How nimbly can you ditch an angry,
feces-smearing mob?

Why go from “Never Trump” to playing
Banquo to Macbeth?
Have you not seen the tweets in which
he rubber-stamped my death?

I’m showing you the ropes (the makeshift
gallows and the noose).
I had no crystal ball when I
signed on. What’s your excuse?