by Julia Griffin

For Tam

(After Gilbert and Sullivan)

“A would-be burglar in Rome… became distracted after picking up a book about Homer’s Iliad on a bedside table. 
… News of the failed burglary attracted the attention of the book’s author, who told local media he wanted
to send the man a copy so he could ‘finish’ his read. … Mr Nucci [the author] said his personal favourite deity was
Hermes, the god of thieves.”
—BBC News

When a burglar’s duly mindful of his calling
(Of his calling),
When a robber has some pride in his employ
(His employ),
He—or she—should shun all writing that’s enthralling
(That’s enthralling),
Like anything about the War in Troy
(War in Troy).
If “delinquent”’s not to be a mere misnomer
(Mere misnomer),
If “thief” means more than “amateur in crime,”
(-Teur in crime),
Then a sit-down in a stranger’s house with Homer
(House with Homer)
Is not a thing for which there’s any time.
O!
If you had to break a window to get in
(To get in),
That’s not the place to learn if Greece will win
(Greece will win).

When an author’s done with Paris and with Helen
(And with Helen),
When a writer needs a break from mighty Zeus
(Mighty Zeus),
He (or she) may feel some fondness for a felon
(For a felon),
A tendency for which there’s no excuse
(No excuse).
But writers get so little chance to wallow
(Chance to wallow)
In fanship that required no teacher’s prod
(Teacher’s prod),
And though they enjoy the blessings of Apollo
(Of Apollo)
The thieves have got great Hermes as their god.
O!
Though a term of immuration should be had
(Should be had),
Let’s hope the lock-up stocks The Iliad
(Iliad).