by Chris O’Carroll

“And the audience was absolutely—they went crazy.”
—Donald Trump describing a debate that took place without a live audience

They’re eating our pets in Ohio,
And fact-checking my lies isn’t fair.
The audience, they all went crazy
Even though there was nobody there.

Public schools change the sex of our children.
Don’t you dare say my mind is impaired.
I have often heard crowds going crazy,
Like that time there was nobody there.