by Stephen Gold

“Intermittent fasting ‘can make your hair shorter and thinner'”
—The Times

In my efforts to get slim,
I have found that fasting’s grim,
And its side-effects have left me quite appalled.
Though I may have shrunk in size,
I am speechless with surprise,
And cannot believe my eyes—I’m going bald!

I’m follicularly screwed!
Pardon me for being rude,
But I can’t describe my overwhelming sorrow.
It’s so true, as has been said:
Choose to spurn your daily bread,
And you’ll find that hair today is gone tomorrow.