by Steven Kent

“A Bagel Shop Closed, and the Upper West Side Is Absolutely Losing It”
—The New York Times

Burning planet on the brink,
Millions lacking food and drink,
Flood and fire and endless war—
Lots to be alarmed here for.
Still, what leaves us screaming twice is
Called by some a First World crisis:
Can’t acquire and can’t finagle
Absolute, the New York bagel.

Donut? Muffin? Let’s be clear:
Nothing else is worth a schmear.
Upper West Side, represent—
Time to voice our discontent,
Draw a line now in the sand, man:
This aggression will not stand, man!
Angry, surely—got to shout it.
Sara Lee? Fugeddaboudit!