by Nora Jay

(After Banjo Paterson)

“Mike Waltz, the national security adviser who invited Atlantic journalist Jeffrey Goldberg into a top-secret
US military planning group chat, has played down the impact of leaked text messages”
—The Guardian

“I didn’t see this loser in the group. He looked like someone else.”
—Waltz to Laura Ingraham

Once some jolly swagmen met on a Signal chat,
Under-informed on such things as cc,
And they sang as they planned to pulverize those Yemenis:
Sadly, they Signaled to Loser JG.

Waltzing Adviser, Waltzing Adviser,
You’ll come a-Waltzing on prime-time TV:
Come and dance round the truth and blame the whole embarrassment,
Waltzing Adviser, on Loser JG.

Down came the Press and had themselves a field day;
Up jumped the Waltzman, eventually,
Singing: “I built the group, I take responsibility,
Still, all the blame goes to Loser JG!”

Waltzing Adviser, Waltzing Adviser,
You’ll come a-Waltzing, as vexed as can be:
“All I’m asking,” he sang, “is, is it a coincidence
That we were crashed on by Loser JG?”

Down came the Dems, unable to believe their luck,
Schumer, Hakeem, and of course AOC,
Singing: “What kind of fool talks war plans on a Signal app?
As for the loser, it isn’t JG!”

Waltzing Adviser, Waltzing Adviser,
You’ll keep a-Waltzing, while bending the knee:
Though it seems that the White House isn’t very pleased with you,
Since you’ve exposed it to Loser JG.

What’s coming next for all those swagmen on the chat?
Zilch, I suspect, though that may be just me;
And this scandal will soon be swallowed by another one,
Thanks to such scumbags as Loser JG.

Waltzing Adviser, Waltzing Adviser,
Cling to your job; show you’re wholly shame-free!
And as long as you snarl while crawling to the President,
He’ll keep a-raging at Loser JG.