by Julia Griffin

“Historians dispute Bayeux tapestry penis tally after lengthy debate: Two Bayeux scholars at loggerheads
over whether dangling shape depicts dagger or the embroidery’s 94th phallus”
—The Guardian

Experts differ on the tally
Of Bayeux’s embroidered phalli.
It’s agreed by both our sources
There are 88 on horses,
But the 16 fixtures dangling
From the men have sparked some wrangling.
One of these, the most obtrusive,
Seems bizarrely inconclusive:
Expert 1 says: “Dagger! Gracious!”
Expert 2 thinks that’s fallacious.