Love is Brined
“Man Sinks in Quicksand and Emerges With a Girlfriend”
—The New York Times
Connections are first superficial,
and might never delve down any deeper;
from surface impressions and shy self-expressions
it’s hard to know who is a keeper.
Poor Eddy knows love’s roller-coaster.
As he slogs through the sand on the beach
this unfortunate wader sinks down to his nadir
assuming that love’s out of reach.
But it’s there that he hooks up with Shelley
and he figures he’ll give it a whirl;
he pursues her with vigor, and really must dig her—
she’s clearly a pearl of a girl.
Poor Shelley’s all burned out on Bumble.
She’s been ghosted by Plenty of Fish.
But with Eddy’s descent her libido’s hell-bent
upon granting his every wish.
As he’s giving her littleneck nuzzles,
and he’s warming her clammy heart’s cockles,
this frisky risk-taker strips down to her nacre—
no more with the dating debacles!
These cynics weren’t harboring fantasies
that love appears out of the blue,
and men seldom make passes at girls in morasses—
but then again, sometimes they do.
Trunculent
“Hyundai Motor America is recalling over 180,000 vehicles after an issue with the trunk latch
is preventing the opening of the trunk from the inside…”
—USA Today
I opted for a bland sedan—
no SUV or minivan
or pickup truck with open bed.
I need a latching trunk instead.
I like to keep my goods secured—
the things I’ve purchased, found, or lured,
the things I’ve bound up tight and stored
with duct tape or electric cord,
the things I’ve dosed with ketamine
then spirited away, unseen,
all wrapped up tightly in a rug.
This lock’s a feature, not a bug.