by Michael Calvert

(with apologies to Herrick)

“Sweden’s prime minister has promised to put IVF at the heart of his re-election campaign as he tries to win over female voters amid the country’s record low birthrate….It comes after official statistics showed this year that, despite often being cited as one of the best countries in the world to have children, Sweden’s fertility rate sank to 1.42 last year, the lowest since 1749 when records started.”
—The Guardian

Gather your ova while ye may,
And get yourself to breedin’,
Let’s set about, without delay,
Repopulating Sweden.

It’s odd, since when it comes to sex,
We hardly are retiring,
Yet our demography reflects
Quite insufficient siring.

Adults are many, children few,
And therefore, we’re surmising,
It’s time that we resorted to
In-vitro fertilizing.

For those of you who long to spawn,
We’ll subsidize your wishes;
More kids are a sine qua non—
Break out the petri dishes.