From PROFUNDITTIES, a Potted History of Western Philosophy
Heraclitus
would like to invite us
to come for a swim …
… in a different river from him.
If he were still alive, would Plato
help to cure the ills of NATO?
Our current “Guardians,” full of flaws,
can’t match the author of The Laws.
Hypatia’s
always gracious
when she has to say No to a feller,
since her reasons are bound to be stellar.
At the Papal Court, William of Ockham
says plenty to shock ’em:
expelled for misbehaving,
he pursues a career in shaving.
That young soldier, René Descartes,
has an extra—mental—part:
no wonder other swordsmen can’t resist
the world champion dualist.
Thomas Reid
believes that all we need
when philosophy gets over-dense
is a touch of common sense.
Immanuel Kant
is a thinker we shan’t
ever ignore—
he has thought thoughts that nobody thought of before.
The breakdown of John Stuart Mill
was produced by his father’s stern drill.
Though restored by encounters with Harriet,
he is grieved that they cannot marry yet.
Harriet Mill
has a little-appreciated skill:
we know she’s not flibberty-gibberty,
since we’re told she co-authored On Liberty.
Jean-Paul Sartre
thinks of himself as a martyr;
but first he needs to atone
for his treatment of Simone.
Simone de Beauvoir
invites women to say au revoir
to the abundance of travails
caused by dominating males.
About the author:
Philip Kitcher
would like to be richer:
to that end he plans to use
the preceding clerihews.