BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT The Cautionary Tale of Scrollin’ Joan There once was a girl called Scrollin’ Joanwhose face was always glued to her phone.From the time she was just a couple years old,day-in and day-out she scrolled and scrolled.If ever her feed would scroll to a stop,“No matter,” she’d say. “I’ll scroll to […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT Extra Innings At a glistening diamond, some boys once met—a dozen and six in all.On an afternoon they would never forgetthey picked up a game of ball. The pitchers—they pitched, and the catchers—they caught;each batter—he strove for a run,but after those first nine innings were foughtthe tally was 1 to […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT A Waiter’s Plight He’d rather not have served itafter such a busy night,but still he offered them dessertbecause he felt it right,and though they didn’t want itas their belts had gotten tight,they ordered a dessert from him(but just to be polite). Clyde Always is an accomplished cartoonist, poet, painter, novelist […]
by Clyde Always “Woman is ‘humbled’ when Hinge date asks to pop her pimple” —Independent This fella I’m seeing— he isn’t too fussy. When asked why he likes me, he answered: “You’re pussy.”
by Clyde Always “‘No-Quit’ Notice In McDonald’s Forbidding Employees From Quitting Sparks Angry Debate…” —Yahoo! News “I’ve banned the act of quitting,” one franchisee explains. “How terribly befitting,” cry those who work in chains.
by Clyde Always “Handbag ‘smaller than a grain of salt’ sells for over $63,000” —CNN Tersity-pursity, Big Apple artisans crafted a miniscule Louis Vuitton. One who is holding this infinitesimal bag might articulate: “Dammit, it’s gone!”
by Clyde Always “Doctors in Sri Lanka remove ‘world’s largest’ kidney stone…” —New York Post A kidney stone 28 ounces in mass? Hard pass.
by Clyde Always “A Georgia man was so unhappy with his 6-foot frame that he spent more than $100,000 on a Turkish leg-lengthening surgery to add 7 inches to his height.” —New York Post Stumpity-lumpity, leg-stretching surgery boosts one in stature? To this, I retort: any procedure so uneconomical must leave you feeling a tiny […]
by Clyde Always “A man in Louisville, Kentucky, is facing an assault charge after shooting his roommate “in the ass” during a fight about eating their last Hot Pocket, officials said.” —CNN Over a Hot Pocket—that’s why I shot ‘im. Soon as I’d dunnit, I knew I’d hit bottom.
Featured PoetAllison Joseph Spotlight: Allison Josephby Anna M. Evans Book Reviewsby Barbara Egel Poems by…Brian AllgarClyde AlwaysGage AmonetteDamian BalassoneSteven Urquhart BellBruce BennettJerome BettsJane BlanchardDan CampionJoshua CobenBarbara CrookerPat D’AmicoMartin J. ElsterDaniel GalefLynn GilbertRich GlinnenStephen GoldMidge GoldbergTimothy GreenJulia GriffinJan D. HodgeShaun JexA.M. JusterSteven KentPam LewisBarbara LootsBevil LuckJosh LuckenbachSimon MacCullochRob McClureBruce McGuffinBob McKentySusan McLeanJoe MedeirosSimon MermelsteinAlistair NoonChris O’CarrollHeidi […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT Tiny Man I wish I had a tiny manto sit upon my shoulder, andgive me advice when I am blue—then I would know just what to do.Instead, he’s almost 60 pounds;my spine is making cracking sounds. Gage Amonette is a senior at Washington State University and has lived in the […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT The Mad President’s song after Lewis Carroll He thought he saw a Hanging Man,And hoped it was Mike Pence:He looked again, and found it wasA grain of common sense.“If this should spread,” he grimly said,“My future’s looking tense!” He thought he saw a Tortoise ShellThat crawled along the ditch:He looked […]
by Clyde Always “Sea lions flee in panic after man backflips off pier to harass them…” —The Sacramento Bee If you are a curious human (sans vessel, commander and crewmen), don’t guzzle a beer and then dive off the pier! To see us up closer, just zoom in.
by Clyde Always “Saucon Valley is not the only American community bedeviled by Satan clubs.” —Reason Clippity-skippity, After School Satan Clubs must be allowed, says the ACLU. People denying these extracurriculars’ harmlessness won’t give the Devil his due.
by Clyde Always “A skydiving student in California had a close call this week after she became caught in power lines during a jump.” —People My first solo skydive was shockingly tense. It’s over, yet somehow I’m still in suspense.