A.M. Juster


Insider Advice to Princess Charlotte

It’s time to have that chat, despite your youth,
for you are overdue to learn the truth.
Our Poet Laureate is… well… disdainful
of you, a sign adulthood will be painful.
The Labourites will never be your friend—
those lowlifes think the monarchy should end.
No Tory minister will be your hero—
their kind will cut your budget down to zero.
Employers do not like a pampered snob,
but when you’re older you will need a “job.”
(Your Highness, “work” is what we servants do
whilst we are serving in your retinue.)
No royal role can be anticipated
and movie roles are mostly animated.
A gig at Disney World or shows on ice
are all that’s left. Buy skates—that’s my advice.

A.M. Juster is releasing two new books this fall: Sleaze & Slander: Selected Comic Verse 1995-2015 (Measure Press) and Saint Aldhelm’s Riddles (University of Toronto Press).