Audrey Webb


Sibling Rivalry

I have an older sister
who seems to think it’s fun
to say that anything I do
she has already done.

I told her that my sweetheart
had kissed me on the face.
“So what!” she said. “I’ve let a boy
get well past second base.”

I called with an announcement:
I planned to wed in June.
She said, “Dear God! Not marriage!
My divorce should come through soon.”

I said I was excited
to hear my baby coo.
“You think it’s great to hear him now?
Just wait ‘til he turns two.”

I caught my husband cheating.
I felt so all alone.
“Not half as much,” she said to me,
“as when the kids leave home.”

When midlife hit, I fretted
my mind would turn to mash.
“That’s nothing!” she retorted.
“Have you had your first hot flash?”

I know how I will solve this.
I’ll break the sibling curse.
Tonight I’ll leave a note behind:
“Ha, ha, Sis! I died first.”


Audrey Webb was born in Canada, but currently lives in Austin, Texas. At various times and geographic locations, she has worked as a journalist, actor, stand-up comic, and editor. Her work has appeared in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, From the Depths, HOOT, and elsewhere. She tweets as A_Fellowes.