Brian Allgar


The Mad President’s song

after Lewis Carroll

He thought he saw a Hanging Man,
And hoped it was Mike Pence:
He looked again, and found it was
A grain of common sense.
“If this should spread,” he grimly said,
“My future’s looking tense!”

He thought he saw a Tortoise Shell
That crawled along the ditch:
He looked again, and found it was
A Senator called Mitch.
“The GOP must act!” said he;
“Expel the RINO bitch!”

He thought he saw a Gourmet Feast,
A side of roasted pork:
He looked again, and found it was
The A.G. of New York.
“I’ll eat her head for lunch,” he said;
“Now, where’s my knife and fork?”

Brian Allgar was born in 1943, a mere 22 months before Hitler committed suicide, although no causal connection between the two events has ever been established. Although immutably English, he has lived in Paris since 1982. He started entering humorous competitions in 1967, but took a 35-year break, finally re-emerging in 2011 as a kind of Rip Van Winkle of the literary competition world. He also drinks malt whisky and writes music, which may explain his fondness for Mendelssohn’s Scottish Symphony. He is the author of The Ayterzedd: A Bestiary of (Mostly) Alien Beings and An Answer from the Past, being the story of Rasselas and Figaro. He’s still hoping that the day will come when he can no longer count the combined sales of both books on his own fingers and toes.