C.B. Anderson


Lactose Intolerance

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.—G.K. Chesterton

That arbiter of prudence, Milton,
Refused to write an ode to Stilton,
And even rakish Baudelaire
Composed no sonnets on Gruyère.

Although Bob Frost was fond of Cheddar,
He thought Gjetost was somewhat better,
But he was disinclined to write
Of food he nibbled late at night.

Neruda never earned a peso
From writing verse extolling queso,
And any thoughts he had on Gouda
Are secrets buried with Neruda.

Though Dante left unturned no stone,
He wrote no lines on Provolone,
His favorite pairing with bruschetta.
Cavafy never mentioned Feta.

Good taste is timeless, and of course
It’s wise to hearken to the source
Of what’s now called the Common Era.
While cheese goes well with primavera,

The banishment of curds and whey
From poetry is here to stay:
No parable of moldy cheeses
Has been attributed to Jesus.

Last Request

I want to fondle naked ladies
I’ve never been allowed to touch.
Before my shade is borne to Hades,
I want to fondle naked ladies
Inside a customized Mercedes,
Unless that’s asking far too much.
I want to fondle naked ladies.
I’ve never been allowed to touch.

C.B. Anderson was the longtime gardener for the PBS television series The Victory Garden. His book of poems, Mortal Soup and the Blue Yonder, was published in 2013 by White Violet Press. Although some of his light verse has appeared in poetry journals from time to time, he is better known for his “slight” verse.