Daniel W. Galef


A poem I’ve often been begged to repeat,
Because it was thought an impossible feat.
(For Espy and Guiterman, Lehrer and Skeat.)

I loose the bolt, and ope the door hinge
Looking for a rhyme for “Orange.”
I’ll hunt until at last I score, in j-
Ust the place, a rhyme for “Orange.”
’Til then I’ll, like a carnivore, ing-
Est the fruit of no more Orange.
If I start now, in April, or in J-
Une, will I have rhymed the Orange?
It’s rarer than the Koh-i-Noor in J-
Ahan’s Court, this rhyme for “Orange.”
Could it be there are no more? (In j-
Est I ask. A twin for “Orange”
Shall be found. Yes, rhymes galore in j-
Okebooks lurk to pair with “Orange.”)
I’ll find the oath that Brutus swore in J-
Ulius Caesar, ere rhyme “Orange,”
Find Poe’s Lost Lenore before ing-
Eniously I rhyme with “Orange!”
I’ve pried apart each flower’s sporange—
Still I seek the rhyme for Orange.
From the Obelisk of Gorringe
To the purple peaks of Blorenge,
Everest, McKinley, or Rinj-
Ani, I will rhyme the Orange!
But, ’til then, I won’t rest, nor enj-
Oy a tasty, un-rhymed Orange.
Wedging more and ever more enj-
Ambment, just to rhyme with “Orange.”

To B12 or Not to B12 

Mortality conquers us all,
With a slip or a cut or a splinter.
Every Autumn the parchment leaves fall,
And then falls the silence of Winter.

No slowing’s sustained by a sigh,
And Time cannot vanquish all ills.
But I know I never shall die,
Because I take vitamin pills.

Hoarding health like a new Ebenezer,
Digging Death an uncrossable moat,
Till the coroner takes with his tweezer
The vitamin pill from my throat.

The Papal Chase
Bulla Bulla Bulla
What We’ve Got Here Is a Failure to Excommunicate

Old Martin Luther grew full sore,
For of the Church he’d had his fill.
He nailed a note upon a door—
The Pope responded: POST NO BILL

But soon enough Pope Leo found
That Luther’s church was growing full.
He sent his condemnations round—
And Luther answered: POST NO BULL

Daniel Galef has written light verse, heavy verse, sketch comedy, prose fiction, comic strips, death threats, one short-lived scientific advice column, and just about everything else for a hundred different venues in a half-dozen countries. His next musical play, The Original, premiers at the Montreal Players’ Theatre in March 2017.