Let Me Count the Ways
(with apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning)
How do I dodge you? Let me count the ways.
I dash away and hide at the mere sight
of you so you can’t say AGAIN how bright
your children are. For mine, you have no praise!
You bring huge stacks of photographs to work
so I can see how great your children look.
I eat lunch in my car and read a book,
eluding you—HA HA!—you selfish jerk.
The last two Saturdays you tried to call;
but, girl, I’m WAY too smart to answer you.
Because you’re full of arrogance and gall,
I’d be assailed by rambling boasts in lieu
of taking my kids shopping at the mall
and loving time when you aren’t in my view!