Love Songs to Under-Appreciated Domestic Objects
O cheeky little welcome mat,
where the feline is always sat,
I love you for the simple fact
you clean my shoes of what she shat.
O microwave, o microwave,
my little cuboid cooking slave,
from near-starvation you do save
me with the ding from your bright cave.
O pointless teabag holder thing
that I put my old teabags in,
the kettle’s too far from the bin
and sloth is the least deadly sin.
O toilet roll, o toilet roll,
you’re not the lamplight of my soul
but as the asswipe for my hole
you’re perfect when I’m on the bowl.
John Newson has had work published internationally, from haiku to prose poetry, in free verse and metrical, formal and informal. His poems have appeared in multiple journals including The Lyric, The Moth, The Inflectionist Review, Modern Haiku, and BoomerLitMag. John often edges towards the pastoral, leaning into the subjects of nature and faith.