With her cast-iron bloomers and her bomb-proof hair
You can see her sitting knitting in her chintz-clad chair
And she likes a bit of bingo and a game show on the telly
But if she watches horror films, they turn her legs to jelly.
And she’s daft about the man who reads the weather, I should think.
She’s partial to a sherry, though she says she doesn’t drink.
She’s always scolding Grandad—says it’s just because she can.
She says he keeps her going and he says the same of Gran.
She wraps herself in memories with ornaments and such.
She sometimes lets us look at them but tells us not to touch.
She smothers us with kisses every time she comes to visit.
That’s not too much to pay for Gran to bring us candy—is it?
Mary Cook is a UK-based writer whose articles, short stories, and verses have appeared in numerous publications, both in print and online. Her main writing interests are humor and horror. She used to write a spoof agony aunt column for an adult newspaper and is author of the humor/horror ebook Collywobblers—Perverse Verse for Guys and Ghouls. Still writing in her eightieth year, Mary lives in the market town of Gainsborough in Lincolnshire, England, with her husband, Nigel, and their adored rescue dog, Kamu.