by Clyde Always “25 employees suffer burns after hot coal team-building event in Switzerland” —New York Post To break the ice, sometimes the Swiss walk barefoot over steaming coals. The argument for doing this, presumably, is full of holes.
by Clyde Always “The First Amendment Protects the Right To Put a Tiny Penis on a Beer Label” —Reason Sudsily, Pudsily Flying Dog Brewery proved in a trial, so righteously fought: banning of packaging’s unconstitutional whether it features a package or not.
by Clyde Always “Federal agents find sophisticated tunnel under US-Mexico border and seize almost a ton of cocaine” —CNN To New York City’s Subway and to London’s Underground: just south of San Diego a competitor’s been found. In terms of pure efficiency this system really shines— on just a single set of tracks it runs […]
Featured PoetAlex Steelsmith Spotlight: Alex Steelsmithby Julia Griffin Book Reviewsby Barbara Egel Poems by…Gilbert AllenClyde AlwaysAlex BarrBruce BennettJerome BettsHilary BiehlJane BlanchardLaura J. BobrowDan CampionJ.P. CeliaMary CookPat D’AmicoTerri Kirby EricksonAndrew FrisardiDaniel GalefDavid GalefNicole Caruso GarciaClaudia GaryStephen GoldJulia GriffinDavid HedgesMichael HeydLily Jarman-ReischDerek KannemeyerSteven KentJean L. KreilingSeth LererKathleen McClungBruce McGuffinBob McKentyEd MeekMike Mesterton-GibbonsTimothy MurphyJames B. NicolaChris O’CarrollJames PenhaD.A. […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT Classical Clerihews Polyphemusthought he wouldn’t seem asabsurd and comicalwith a contact lens instead of a monocle. Nausicaalived on Corfu, or maybe Sicily or even Corsica.She didn’t sign her work, through modesty,but may be the real author of The Odyssey. Circewas told “Men are swine” by Nursie.Growing up she thought, “To […]
BACK | CONTENTS | NEXT Burgerdämmerung In the beginning was money,and gentrification was good.So the Spirit of Urban Renewalsaid, “Eve’s Diner stays! Understood?” But soon there was trouble in Eden.Some snake told a customer fibs.His faith in her twin patties shaken,the first man embraced a McRib. The neighborhood followed McAdamswiftly, though often unseen.Now nothing’s afloat […]
by Clyde Always “Investigators say [a student] got a hold of some marijuana edibles at home and brought them to school. The child shared them with other students, causing more than 15 to become ill at school on Friday.” —ABC News Stoner kids in all my classes come to school baked off their asses! Easy, […]
by Clyde Always “Google is pausing a controversial ‘inclusive language’ feature that … proposes gender-neutral alternatives to words like ‘policeman’ or ‘housewife’ in a manner similar to the way that other software services correct spelling and grammar issues.” —The Washington Times I’m here to confirm the new headlines are true: although they’re still tracking near […]
by Clyde Always “Mike Tyson appeared to attack a fellow passenger on a Wednesday night flight…” —New York Post At Mike Tyson I aimed a few jeers (perhaps I’d had too many beers) and though I’m concussed, I feel that I must be thankful I’ve both of my ears.
by Clyde Always “Wind energy company kills 150 eagles in US, pleads guilty” —Associated Press Raptory, Snaptory, NextEra Energy proved to the public (in so many words) harnessing wind would be environmentally friendly if only it weren’t for the birds.
by Clyde Always “Wyoming is now encouraging drivers to report roadkill casualties for harvesting.” —Reason When chefs in Wyoming are carefully plating autochthonous game most-delectable, suppose they might fear for their Michelin rating if essence of Goodyear’s detectable?
by Clyde Always “Former Attorney General William Barr has a passage in his new book about the lengths his old boss would go to in order to charm guests at meetings.” —Business Insider “Though long the meetings often went, refreshing they would be— as, graciously, the President would serve us in D.C. “Although his television […]
by Clyde Always “Gas stoves leak climate-warming methane even when they’re off” —NPR Reekity, leakity now climatologists gather to kindly in- form us en masse Citizens hoping to rescue the planet who switch to electric are cooking with gas.
by Clyde Always “Queen Elizabeth strips Prince Andrew of royal and military titles… after a Manhattan judge allowed the sexual assault lawsuit against the disgraced royal to move forward.” —New York Post Because his former title proved to be too great an onus, hereafter shall the Duke of York be called “His Sleazy Lowness.”
by Clyde Always “Okay it’s done: We’re ‘fully vaxxed’ and begging on our knees: Can all restrictions be relaxed? Oh, pretty-pretty-please?” “Of course they can, and bless your heart; so glad you understand… Go out and play (two yards apart) with vax cards close at hand. No, wait! Come back! Oh me, oh my! It’s […]