We’re not allowed to mention Uncle Edward
Nor “farmyard assignations” (quote, unquote)
In our family tree, our uncle’s dead wood,
Since Aunt Matilda caught him with that goat.
It would be a fantastic anecdote
(Sodomy with any quadruped would)
But the tale remains unspoken in my throat
‘Cos we can’t even mention Uncle Edward.
(He got a burly Hebridean builder,
with expertise in slating and emulsion,
to do up a small cottage in St. Kilda,
far from those who frown on his compulsion.
Aunt Matilda welcomed the expulsion –
the smirking of the neighbours would have killed ‘er.
Oh stranger, you might well express revulsion
but then, you haven’t met our Aunt Matilda.)