Poems of the Week

A Lush’s Lament

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Heineken to cash in on booming demand for zero alcohol beers”
The Scotsman

I tried some beer with zero alcohol;
It tasted like the arse-end of a skunk.
I never drank to give my tongue a ball;
I drank because I felt like getting drunk.
Removing all the alcohol’s effects
Is like removing orgasms from sex.