Poems of the Week

A Reptile Dysfunction

by Steve Bremner

“The CDC Is Investigating a Salmonella Outbreak Linked to Pet Bearded Dragons …
To stay safe, don’t ‘kiss or snuggle’ your reptilian friends, the CDC says.
If you have a bearded dragon… don’t eat around it, don’t let it in the kitchen,
and always wash your hands with soap and water after touching it.”

(with apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary)

Buck the Bearded Dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the kitchen just to spite the CDC.
Little Jackie kissed him (he loved his Buck a lot),
Then made himself a sandwich, and spent six days on the pot.

Oh, Jackie gave his dragon to a reptile stan,
Deciding that he’d come of age: This boy was now a man!
When his fever ended and all the cramps were gone
He went and kissed a real live girl, and—bingo!—Omicron.