Poems of the Week

A Tinkle For A Cow

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

A scientist from Auckland is gung-ho
To potty-train young cows. This pioneer
Is not your rocket scientist, although
Nitrogenous exhaust fires his career! …
Kept locked in their latrine till they can go,
Lashed hard with H2O if they can’t wait,
Enticed by treacle treats to mind their flow,
Forbearing cows soon learn to micturate
On artificial grass in their Moo Loo—
Research shows human toddlers aren’t as quick
At learning where to pee! But pee’s not poo.
Can Holstein heifers learn the second trick? …
Our prof now dreams of future episodes—
When pastured cows use only field commodes!