by Marshall Begel

(With apologies to C. C. Moore)

It’s the week before Christmas and, just like a louse,
I’ve bought presents for no one, not even my spouse.
While there’s overnight shipping, and places to dash,
I’ve decided that this year—they’re all getting cash!

I’ve seen many a gift that I’ve given before
get forgotten, unused in the cutlery drawer.
Or the gadget that’s advertised tough as concrete—
By the time that it’s needed, it’s gone obsolete!

So now kids get a Benjamin, grandkids a Grant,
And a Jackson or two for each uncle and aunt.
There’s no money for children too little to follow it.
Plus, with my luck, they would probably swallow it.

You can keep your soy candles and musical tie,
And return that contraption that claims to air “fry.”
For you know any present that isn’t straight cash
Is just counting the days till it’s tossed in the trash.