by Julia Griffin

“TSA bans some cordless hair tools in checked luggage”
—Cincinnati Enquirer

The TSA, I’m grieved to say, has recently forbidden
Hair-grooming tools—these flout the rules, however they are hidden.
To compensate, I’m pleased to state, the following possessions
Will not provoke the airport folk to bossy intercessions.

1) lobsters, live. Should you arrive with such, they’ll cry, “No-brainer!
Just come on through, and lobster too (inside a clear container).”

2) Christmas lights. They’re loved on flights: they don’t care if you’ve checked them
Or brought on board (if you’ve a cord just go ahead, connect them).

3) Cowboy spurs—both his and hers. As long as you detach them
From either boot, there’s no dispute (or pay-out if you scratch them).

4) Antlers (clear from blood of deer). Yes, these will be admitted in
The overhead—though mind their spread: they must be wholly fitted in.

5) Wands and swords of magic lords: the TSA is not averse
If you endorse the Jedi Force or populate the Potterverse.

More objects—lots—like coffee pots (electric), waffle irons
And Magic 8 balls (trust to fate!), may fly; but as for lions
They’re sadly banned from airports and, though you may ride the air with
A spur or sword, you may not board with things you do your hair with.