by Julia Griffin

“Nebraska declares pro-meat day to rival Colorado’s meatless day”
—BBC News

Those bogus terms the vegans use to cheat
Consumers into thinking they’ve got meat—
Nutroasts, soyburgers, and their dismal ilk
(Not counting all that oatish pseudo-milk)—
Let’s try adapting, rather than objecting,
And slip in flesh when nobody’s suspecting.
Some words need nothing but inversion—quick,
Let’s make tagine with nutritive peaschick;
Some take imagination: try our beefu,
Or hammous, or our quite deceiving seafu.
Just watch those vegan logophiles convulse:
You fancy pulse? Eat something with a pulse!
Then wash the whole thing down, my bloodless dears,
With lots of sanguinous lambrusco. Cheers!