by Steve Bremner

“How to Entirely Empty Your Bowels Every Morning—
Top Surgeon Explains How”
—Recurring unsolicited Web advertisement

“Inflation soars to an over 40-year high.”
—NPR

Rumpily dumpily
“Top Surgeon” lectures us.
Spare us the scalpel: We
Can, if we choose,

Summon the same result
Psychosomatically
Simply by switching on
NPR News.