by Nora Jay
“The Mitchell County Animal Rescue in North Carolina posted an adoption ad on Facebook that introduced the world to Perdita, the ”World’s Worst Cat.’
‘We thought she was sick,’ the ad said. ‘Turns out she’s just a jerk.'”
HOME WANTED for a piece of work:
A veritable feline jerk.
Believe she’s sick? Believe again:
She’s just a claw-deploying pain,
Whose one idea of a lark
Is spreading bitterness and dark.
She is not spayed, but never fear:
No other cat would dare come near;
She’s had her shots, but you know what?
You’ll quickly wish that she had not.
Likes: pricey foods (each one just once);
Emitting bored, sarcastic grunts;
Biting and scratching; raising welts.
Hates: pleasing anybody else;
Togetherness of any sort;
Affection; courtesy; in short
All kinds of human contact save
The kind that means an early grave.
With most adoptions, we prefer
A trial run, but not with her;
The bottom line: this toxic cat
Once yours is yours, and that is that.
This is the form, if you insist.
It names a vet, and exorcist.