by Julia Griffin

“Cats is said to be so ‘shockingly bad’ that it’s prompting walkouts from cinemagoers.”
—The Independent

Terrible Cats came out this week:
Terrible Cats have raised a squall.
Every cat has a weird physique;
Every cat makes your skin to crawl:
Cinema buffs can hardly speak;
Cinema critics are having a ball.

Old Deuteronomy’s wearing her fur:
It looks like a rug, more than something she grew;
Around it (creating a bit of a stir)
She’s wearing the pelts of ten other cats too.

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat,
But there isn’t any need for me to scream it:
For he’s got fur but it’s not fur,
And let’s hope we never have to dream it.

What’s happened to Mr. Mistoffelees,
The Original Conjuring Cat?
His badger-in-lipstick look’s awful—he’s
Not magic enough to fix that.

Macavity the Mystery Cat
Is looking very raw:
That fur-cut’s simply criminal—
It’s really more a gnaw;
They’re baffled up at Scotland Yard:
There’s something nasty, yeah;
But if you know your Cats, you’ll know
Macavity’s not there.

Memory! Turn your face to the exit;
Just remember the good times—bid them sadly goodbye:
If you touch these, you’ll understand what none of us knows:
What’s the feel of CGI?