by Marshall Begel

“Hershey Wins Lawsuit Arguing Halloween Candies Weren’t Spooky”
—MSN

To lovers of our nougat fluff
who claim that they’re not scared enough,

we’ll bring you to a frightening place
where holes are drilled into your face
because, in their depravities
our candy gives you cavities.

If somehow, you endure the drill
just wait until you see the bill!