by Julia Griffin
“New Hampshire governor helps choking competitor at lobster roll eating contest:
Chris Sununu performs Heimlich maneuver on Christian Moreno, who recovered
and went on to eat nine rolls”
—The Guardian
When Chris saved Chris, all lauded his compassionate acuity,
But some pedantic types observed the headline’s ambiguity.
You think (they said) the test was eating lobster rolls? Worth heeding;
Let’s put that first, and yet it’s only one potential reading.
Perhaps we’ve been distracted by the thought of pot or oven or
Eating at all, and actually the contest was for governor.
A third suggestion: we have misinterpreted the roll.
It was, in fact, plain bread, which lobsters had to swallow whole.
Fourth: could we run these two together? Governor Helps Rival—
A lobster, who was gorging past all prospects of survival.
There’s one more possibility we can’t avoid invoking:
The prize was not for eating, nor for governing, but choking …
Well (they concluded). Chris S, you helped someone/something, Thank you!
And may New Hampshire never seek a lobster to out-rank you.