by Stephen Gold

“Cat or dog boosts wellbeing as much as wife or husband”
—The Times

I must refuse your suit, Sir,
No wedding bells will clang.
There can be no dispute, Sir,
My heart belongs to Fang.

A stick, a ball, a run, Sir,
Long evenings by the fire,
A life of simple fun, Sir,
Are all that we desire.

Compare these days of bliss, Sir,
To decades spent with you.
When faced with that abyss, Sir,
Do I recoil? I do!

I think that we both know, Sir,
We’d meet a sorry end.
You cannot be my beau, Sir,
I’ll stick with man’s best friend.