by Marshall Begel

“Pittsburgh is among the best cities in the United States to be a vampire…
The report looked for blood centers, vampire-friendly dwellings like homes with
basements, and warm bodies.”
—CBS

A vampire city? For me, that’s a dud.
I go to bed early and can’t stomach blood.

Those werewolves of London? I’m more into cats.
Besides, have you seen what they’re charging for flats?

A mummy-filled town is where I’d rather go,
With long winter months under mountains of snow.

I’d keep to myself in the Upper Midwest,
And curse anyone interrupting my rest!