by Julia Griffin

“Meghan Markle ‘Can Play Herself’ on The Crown, Says Producer” 
—Harper’s Bazaar

Dear Meghan/Dear Ma’am,
As we start to review
The qualifications you bring to play you,
We’d like to define, before going to town,
Your duties in playing yourself on The Crown.

The rôle you request’s not immovable yet:
The senior parts are already quite set
(Diana’s the diva and Fergie’s the clown);
There’s slightly more scope playing you on The Crown:

However, our viewers (this has to be stressed)
Don’t like their Americans stiff or repressed.
The British need only their eyebrows to frown;
But you will be playing yourself on The Crown.

Your close-ups with Catherine (you’ll know her as “Kate”)
Will teasingly hint at Alliance-Plus-Hate;
And if there’s a scene where you wear the same gown,
Remember, you’re playing yourself on The Crown.

Last winter, your ratings were brought to low ebb
By choice of a hat which was mocked on the Web.
You’ll see in your contract: No wearing of brown
As long as you’re playing yourself on The Crown.

The playing of self, without let-up or flaw,
Is really real life for your Granny-In-Law:
But acting in private won’t bring the renown
On offer for playing yourself on The Crown.

We hope the above will have clarifed things;
And last, since our lawyers are cautious round kings,
We need to be sure, or the whole deal goes down:
You’ll play yourself playing yourself on The Crown.