by Coleman Glenn

“Scammers are targeting T-Mobile customers through a new … text message [that] says that you may
have been affected by a T-Mobile service outage and that the company wants to compensate you for
the inconvenience.”
—BestLife

We much regret, dear customer,
the outage (which did not occur).
Moreover, we apologize
for slanders, insults, jabs, and lies
that you’ve endured throughout your life—
we now confess: we caused that strife.
In fact, the least thing that’s gone wrong
for you was our fault all along.
To make it right, we’re offering
a gift card. It’s a little thing,
but please accept it as a token
of penance for the trust we’ve broken.
We know you’re smart. You sniff scams out.
But there’s no need for prudent doubt
in this case. Let us overload you
with righteous lust for what is owed you.