by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Drunk animals far more common than previously thought, scientists say”
—The Independent

Drunk elephants, well-oiled non-human apes,
Intoxicated pen-tailed tree-shrews, moose
Vamoosing tipsily, and rats who traipse
Erratically on alcoholic juice
Reveal it’s nature’s nature to abhor
Sobriety. This diverse coterie
Evolved a drinking habit long before
Commercial vineyards: drinking had to be
Of some survival benefit … In flies,
The jilted male can drink his sorrows, and
Eggs females lay when drunk stint fewer guys …
Research concludes it’s time to understand,
Inebriation’s not a human trait
Exclusively—all beasts self-medicate!

*Using the alternative pronunciation in both OED and Merriam-Webster