by Clyde Always

“Florida man swallows $769K stolen diamond earrings from Tiffany & Co,
asks cops if he’ll be charged for ‘what’s in my stomach’”
—New York Post

I was jolted, as off to the pokey I went,
by the deepest of all my epiphanies:
that swallowing jewelry’s not what they meant
when they titled it “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”