by Steven Kent

“Utah governor signs bill encouraging teachers to carry guns in classrooms”
—The Guardian

Some bullet points on Utah’s plan
That’s causing such a flap:
Will Coach McKinley be the man,
Or will our lunchroom lady, Jan,
Be first to bust a cap?

From here on out librarians—
So prim and proper, meek,
The Marians, the scary nuns
Equipped and trained to carry guns—
Won’t turn the other cheek.

High caliber of staffers now
Demands a show of spunk.
The district handbook must allow
A warning shot across the bow
To say “Feel lucky, punk?”

Some swear this day was bound to come
And sure enough it did.
When teacher tells you, “Don’t act dumb,
Arrive on time, spit out your gum,”
You’d better listen, kid!