by Julia Griffin

“A woman from London has completed a decade-long mission to sample a scone
at every National Trust location with a tearoom or restaurant.”
—The Guardian

It wasn’t easy. Scones at Castle Drogo
Were dry as dust, which wasn’t what they’d claimed.
“Ickworth” should really be that house’s logo:
Like Cherryburn, it’s only too well-named.
Fyne Court, however, was in no way classy:
Montacute House was nothing of the sort;
Still, all’s as you’d expect at Dunham Massey;
Likewise, the scones were stale at Coughton Court.
They’re amping up their game at Hinton Ampner,
But Haddo House has had it—cream like soap;
Dudmaston Hall was also quite a dampener,
While disappointment struck in Wilderhope,
And as for Scone, the palace, what a bust!—
Turns out it’s not been purchased by the Trust.

* All of this to be taken with a large pinch of salt (and jam, and clotted cream)