by Eddie Aderne

“Four years ago, a fully functioning 18-karat gold toilet [named “America”] was stolen from an art
exhibition at Blenheim Palace, the birthplace of Winston Churchill. On Monday, Britain’s Crown
Prosecution Service announced that it had authorized charges against four men [James Sheen, Michael
Jones, Fred Doe, and Bora Guccukin] in connection with the theft of the golden loo…”
—The New York Times

Four dauntless souls, James, Michael, Fred, and Bora,
Attracted by its luminescent aura,
Removed the world’s most costly water closet,
Without permission, or the least deposit.
The hunt that this inspired was quite extended:
It took four years, with much expense expended,
To catch the men who stole the belle of Blenheim,
But now we’ve charged and are about to pen ’em.
“Pecunia non olet,”* quoth Vespasian.
Today we’re of a different persuasion.

*Money does not stink