by Philip Kitcher

“I’d love her to join the Republican Party…”
—Donald Trump

My dear Haley,
sweet Haley,
I have prayed for you daily
that you’d shake off the Democrat dirt:
you have shown you will pay back
all the kindness of AIPAC,
now the next step must be—to convert.

You’ll recover your swagger
when you sign on to MAGA,
for your talents must not go to waste.
You will be resurrected,
since it’s clear you’ve rejected
the ideals you have always embraced.

We will dump the old codgers
like that dull Michael Rogers,
to make up for a skill that they lack:
you’re a girl with a gift
for creating a rift
that concludes—with a stab in the back.